If at all possible, being there alone is preferable.

In that time, before the rolling froth of individuals churns through the aether, I can get what I like to consider a baseline reading of the location.

It’s nothing too fancy or complex… just a feeling for the default state of things.

Why? Because then, when things get wild and crazy later on, I have an anchor point–somewhere to link my own personal balance to, somewhere to retreat to if I need to let a storm pass.

Sure, without that baseline reading, I can still go by my own tried and true baseline, my personal Universal anchor point. But that leaves me feeling very disconnected from the world around me and truly reduces my effectiveness in restoring balance to a situation (if such action is needed).

It’s been my experience that most people–especially those who are just starting to get the feel for the deeper energies of the world around and within them–just go bobbing along with the tide or spend all their energy fighting the direction of the current. Neither of these reactions is exceptionally conducive to creating change or encouraging personal growth.

By finding an anchor point in the regional baseline–in the raw egregore of the location–you share a connection with everyone else there. The difference is, you have a solid reference point from which to judge how things are going. You can differentiate between “This isn’t what I like” and “This is actually going in a bad direction.” More importantly, because of that connection to the location and the masses that inhabit it, you can serve as a pivot-point to help redirect negative energy and assist in avoiding unnecessary conflict.

How do I do it? Mostly just be quietly opening myself up to the energies of an area. Deep breathing, an open mind, and being aware of my own personal center all help. When the connection with the local baseline is made, I feel a distinct “thunk” of things falling into place. Like the dropping of a metaphysical anchor. From that point on, I can take better control of my own motions through the environment–either letting that anchor skitter along that baseline or dropping it full down to let me hold my position.

Of course, totally pulling up (or cutting loose) that anchor is also an option. If you’re going to do that, though, you better have a quick exit strategy planned or be ready to bob around a bit violently if you’re in stormy weather.

Between knowing your personal baseline and being familiar with where you are, you’re automatically in a better position to deal with whatever comes along–be it good or bad.

Whatever gives, can take.

Whatever increases, can decreases.

The same is true of energy work.

Renewing completes the cycle started with centering.

Centering places you firmly within yourself. Grounding anchors your Self to the greater whole. Releasing gives to that larger energy system. Renewing allows you to take from it.

Just like we all have excess energy we need to get rid of every now and then, there are times that we are drained and need to quickly replenish our reserves. Maybe things have been stagnating and need an infusion of something new to get moving again. Perhaps you’ve been dealing with a lot of wild emotions and have been releasing your own energy faster than you have time to regenerate it in a better way. Regardless of the reason, there is a vast store of energy available for you to use.

Some would say that it’s “free energy.” They would only be partially right. Nothing is free.

In the case of tapping into the stores of energy around you, the cost is something subtle but only partially controllable.

When you take in energy from an outside source it changes you.

Because of this, you should always be aware of where the energy is actually coming from before you accept it.

Most of the time, this isn’t a problem as the generally available energy in most places is, at worst, neutral. The changes neutral energy bring only increase your own awareness of the connection among all things. They are changes that deepen your understanding of your own place in the world and the flow of energy from one place to another.

There are places that have non-neutral energy. Anyone who has paid attention to the feelings they get from different locations should not be surprised by this idea. If the location is usually home to joyous events, the energy will most likely be of a more positive nature. If the location is a place where sadness or anger occur, the energy will have a more negative spin to it.

This is caused by the release of other people’s energy at locations. When done with intent and direction, you can scatter and dilute your own negative energy when releasing it. When done accidentally or without conscious knowledge, negative energy can collect in “pools” and stagnate in a location. There are other causes, but this is the most common one that will be encountered.

The same is true of positive energy, but that rarely poses the same problems as negative energy.

When drawing energy in to yourself to renew your stores or “freshen up” your internal system, visualizations similar to what you used for releasing energy work very well.

Drawing on your centered and grounded connection, see the energy from the surrounding area flow up in to you, like water being collected by the roots of a tree. See the energy come down from the sky, absorbed by your outstretched arms like leaves soaking up the sunlight on a summer day. Feel it flow through you, mingling with your own energy, filling in the empty places wherever they may be.

For a truly invigorating “full flush” release and renew your energy at the same time, setting up a solid current of incoming and outgoing energy. Be like a conduit–a tube in a river channel–and let the fast-flowing energy cleanse you. Let its power shake lose the dark bits clinging on odd angles of your own system and wash them away.

It is important that you never rely on just the energy around you to sustain you. We all need to generate our own energy. If we run too long on quick fills from the universal store, we can begin to lose ourselves. Just like always taking antibiotics when ill will weaken your immune system, always relying on the other energy out there will reduce your own capacity for production and regeneration.

Renewing is best done on special occasions–as part of a regular “oil change” or only when really necessary. This will allow you to reap the benefits and minimize the problems of the process.

Most spiritual paths involve some amount of energy work. Knowing how to center, ground, release and renew are the most basic skills needed to pursue that work. Some traditions focus almost exclusively on energy work. They have many more techniques and variations to learn, practice and perfect.

What most people never realize is, even if they are not actively walking a spiritual path, energy still plays a part in their lives. It is true that we can just wander and wade through the streams of energy that are around us every day, but then we can be easily pulled this way and that by spats of turbulence. We can get caught and pulled under by eddies and unexpected currents.

Through awareness and practice, though, we can learn to surf on even the biggest unexpected wave. Through skill, we can find our own current and our own path through the most dangerous rapids. And through dedication, we can take an active role in our own spiritual growth.

When you are correctly grounded, you are tied in to the flow of all the energy around you. The earth. They sky. The Universe itself. Like a lightening rod firmly anchored to the land, energy directed at you will be drawn into that system.

You can take this one step further and actually feed energy from within yourself into that larger system.

Why would you do that? To get rid of excess energy. Especially excess negative energy.

While it is generally an unpleasant idea to put your negativity anywhere, sometimes it is necessary to just get rid of it. Maybe there is an immediate situation that needs to be dealt with and you can’t have it distracting you. Maybe you know there’s more coming your way and you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

If it must be done, the best thing to do is sink it into a system that is big enough where it won’t make a lasting difference. At least that’s a “good enough” solution when you’re just starting out. More creative ways of dealing with negative energy will present themselves as you work at it. It is always important to remember that nothing is a “quick, easy and permanent” solution. At best you can get two out of those three.

The technique also works for nervous energy. Good grounding and releasing can help you overcome anxiety and quiet your mind. Again, not a permanent solution, but good in a pinch when things just need to get done.

Once at this point in energy work, I have found it helps immensely to really work on the visualization of the energy flow.

We’ve all seen movies and television shows where there’s some character tossing around a super powered energy beam or some such. In your own mind, imagine your energy working like that. Pick colors for the different flavors of energy you need to deal with (negative, nervous, happy, etc.).

See it swirling inside of you. Feel how it moves around.

And then, with a clear sense of purpose (“I need to get rid of this now”), project it in a beam down through your grounding spot. Watch it as it is absorbed by the Earth and blends with the energy there, changing to a neutral color and flowing away.

I tend to be most sky oriented when it comes to releasing energy, so I more frequently shoot it up out into space to dissipate amid the big wide open up there–far, far away from the Earth.

Water symbolism works very well, also. If you see the energy of the bigger picture as a river running near you, you can pour your unwanted energy into it. Imagine a pitcher you fill from your own energy reserve and tip gently into the flowing waters beside you. It can be a very calming visualization. (I just tend toward the more dramatic and “big budget” special effects, I guess.)

When this basic technique is mastered, it can be built up for a great many effects. You can use it isolate specific things about yourself and put them on the path to change. You can transfer energy from one person to another (not recommended unless you really know what you’re doing). You can even kind of juggle and transform your own energy from one form into another.

(That last one begins to take us in the direction of the fourth basic technique, renewing.)

It is always important that we keep the energy within us as cleanly flowing as possible. As long as it’s moving, there are fewer chances for it to stagnate and turn stale. Stale energy is detrimental our well-being. It can make us sick–physically, mentally and/or spiritually.

Getting it moving–letting the flow go where it needs to–helps keep us healthy. Paying attention to how that energy flows, and how it interacts with the world around you, will take you forward along your development path.

Most of the time, our natural processes take care of things just fine by themselves. But if you’re doing in-depth work on spiritual development or spending time in a hostile environment (a place where there’s a lot of destructive energy being thrown around), you may need to be a little more pro-active to keep things flowing smoothly.

The ideas of grounding, renewing and releasing are common in many magickal systems. The names may not be quite the same, but the ideas are. In a nutshell, these practices help you center yourself, quickly refill spent energy reserves and get rid of pent up energy (be it positive or negative). The techniques I use have been modified a bit from any number of standard descriptions I’ve come across over the years. They all involve a good deal of visualization and concentration (just like most magickal work does). But I’ve found them all to be quite effective at keeping me on a more or less even keel, energy-wise.

Grounding

Grounding is, perhaps, the second most important technique someone walking a spiritual path will ever learn. (The first being Centering, discussed last week.) When done correctly, it can help you orient yourself, give you a firm place to start from and allow you to “dig in” to weather many storms–be they magickal or mundane.

Where Centering puts you solidly in your internal safe, secure and happy place, Grounding brings that place into the “real world” where it can do the most active good. Grounding lets you feel your place in the Universe. It gives you some external orientation–a more physical place to set your internal bearings.

When done properly, Grounding will automatically connect you with the greater energy flow of (at least) the Earth. Much like the grounding used in electrical work, it can serve to dissipate random charges smoothly. It also gives you a solid place to begin other operations such as Renewing and Releasing (which will be discussed over the next couple of weeks).

The common visualization used for grounding is that of a tree. Your feet sprout roots that dig deep into the Earth, connecting you with the vital life force that courses through the planet as a whole. Your arms stretch upward, reaching for the energy that comes coursing in from the sun. The energy flows from above and below, through you, becoming one with your own energy, blending you into the world that is, drawing your own internal feelings of safety, balance and stability into the space around you.

Again, this is a technique that will have a distinct feel when it is done correctly. If you don’t succeed at first, keep trying. Tweak the visualizations if you need to. Perhaps for you, the energy flows clockwise around the planet and not along the ground-sky pillar. The important part is that you make yourself–your energy–part of that grand cycle.

Once grounded, you will be able to use that bank of planetary energy as both a capacitor (for Renewing) and as a power sink (for Releasing). It gives you a place to put and take from without fear of disrupting the system as a whole. Unless you are in near unheard of extraordinary circumstances, there is little you could do to impact the planetary flow of energy. You are like a water bug merely gliding across the surface of the lake. No matter how deeply you think your roots go.

Good Grounding is essential to making good use of your Centering. It is the second step in deep energy work and, if practiced to the point of being nearly automatic, may prevent much of the pain and suffering self improvement and metaphysical exploration can cause.

What starts within can only exact change when it is sent into the world. The Center must be brought to Ground, you must be connected with the world.

Some of it is common and well-known. Electromagnetic fields from household appliances, power lines and the field generated by the Earth itself. Static electricity from dragging your feet on a rug when it’s dry out. The all too familiar kinetic energy of stubbing your toe on the end table. We know very well how to deal with those types of energy. We’re taught from the time we are young not to lick light sockets and we learn quickly that stubbing our toe hurts.

But then there are other kinds of energy. Kinds that we’re not often told about. Kinds that, in all honesty, remains undetectable to science. Ask any psychic or sorcerer and they will swear that there’s something there, though. Some unseen force that, in conjunction or apart from all of those other types of energy impacts our lives whether we know about it or not.

Some people are more sensitive to this kind of energy. We are never taught how to deal with it. If you are one of those who is more sensitive–or has become more “tuned in” to it through solo spiritual or psychic development work–you learn by trial and error what works. If you’re lucky, you learn quickly and relatively painlessly.

Most people aren’t lucky.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be talking about the handful of lessons I’ve learned regarding that energy that’s out there. These are the basics as I see and practice them. As everyone is built a little differently, you may find the specifics of visualizations may differ for you. The basic concept, though, should be the same.

The first and most important thing to know–the thing that makes every future step possible and sure–is to find your own Center.

Your Center is not as much a physical thing (like the center of mass or the center of balance) as it is a feeling. Your Center is the eye of your own personal storm. It is a place where all your thoughts, fears and passions, fade to a dull roar in the background. A place where the internal sky above you is clear and the metaphorical ground beneath your feet is solid.

We all have a Center. No matter how chaotic your mind or environment is, it is there beneath all the noise and churn. Very often, we lose sight of it and feel like we are falling head over heels through space. Vertigo can ensue and paralyze us–both mentally and physically. Being able to cut through that initial panic is a skill best honed through practice. The good and bad news is, in our world there are plenty of opportunities to practice.

But before you can find your way back to your Center you have to find your way to it first.

We all have a path that will lead us to our Center. For some, it comes from quiet meditation. For others, it requires had physical activity. It may be triggered by a familiar scent or a sound ranging from a favorite tune to the crashing of ocean waves.

Think back through your life. When were you most at peace? When were you most happy? When did you feel safest? The answers to these questions may not all yield the same answer, but they should all elicit a similar feeling.

That feeling is what you are seeking.

For me, the path was quiet meditation. I’d never been an exceptionally loud person. Many hours were spent outside, as often alone as with other people. Nothing quite compared to the dim cool of the woods at twilight during Spring or Fall. The sounds of the leaves rustling above or animals moving off through the edges of my perception were comforting sounds. Just being there–surrounded by nature, separate yet still a part of it all–always left me feeling at my best.

And so, whenever things get crazy around me, that is the first place I go. Not physically, of course, but in my mind. The landscape is often slightly different, but the feeling is always the same. It allows me to switch my mode of thinking, it allows me to feel–if only for a moment–whole and stable and safe.

It allows me to briefly get away from all the noise and turbulence spinning around me in the “real” world.

Breathing helps, too.

When we get agitated, our breathing changes. It becomes shorter, shallow and fast. Our chests and throats tighten up. Our heart rate speeds up. For some, those changes are severe, for others barely noticeable. But those changes impact how our minds and bodies work. It’s just the way we’re built–part of our fight or flight response. Panic, anxiety and fear can very quickly short circuit our minds. This either allows instinct to take over (something too many of us don’t have a lot of these days) or just leaves us in a dull blur of thoughts.

A few good, deep breaths can help get that response back under your own control.

Breathing is an integral part of many things. Finding your Center is one of them. Good breathing comes not from your chest, but from your diaphragm (located just below your lungs, at the lower edge of your ribcage). A “correct” breath will not move your chest a tremendous amount. Instead, it will move your abdomen a bit. Try a few breaths–slowly… there’s no need to hyperventilate–of each type, first from your chest and then from your diaphragm. You should feel a difference.

A deep breath, done with purpose and effort, can get your mind and body back on track.

When you exercise your breathing technique with some visualization of your “safe place” you can cultivate an air of calm. When it clicks, you’ll know it. This is your Center.

At different times during the day, in different circumstances, try to put yourself in that place. During good times, draw from them to more fully flesh out your mental image of your Center. During rough times, try to get there despite the other feelings you have.

After some practice, you should be able to just drop in to your Center with a few deep breaths (if not just throwing a mental “switch”).

From your Center, you have a clear image of yourself. You know where you stand, with your feet firmly on the ground and the sky clearly above you. You will feel safe there and, after a while, you will feel the deep connection that exists between yourself and all things.

It is from this place–your Center–that the next lessons take place.

I’ve had an interest in parapsychology for a good long time. For a little while, I even tried to justify it as a career choice. (That, obviously, did not happen.) My interest in parapsychology is one of the things that lead me into the metaphysical world and my current spiritual path. It’s also one of the things that constantly rubs up against my spiritual nature and keeps me walking a more balanced line between science and faith.

Between the parapsychology literature (both in print and on the web) that I’ve read and the science fiction/fantasy and just plain odd bits of fiction that have made their way through my hands and into my world view, the term “ESPer” has kind of resonated with me.

In a very basic way, an ESPer is pretty much just a psychic. But it’s a term that doesn’t carry with it the baggage that the more common one does. Using the term “psychic” conjures images of charlatans, Gypsies and carnival performers just out to fool you and take your money. While some more current press and entertainment presentations are beginning to erode that negative image, it is still very much there and gets in the way of most taking a serious look at the people who possess certain gifts.

To be more accurate, it’s a term I prefer to use to refer to people who make use of the gifts we all have (to one extent or another).

Those gifts include things like telepathy, precognition, clairvoyance, ESP and out of body experience projection (astral travel). As a general rule, I don’t use it to refer to those that exhibit more physically interactive psi abilities such as psychokinesis.

We all have the ability to reach beyond the normal senses we routinely talk about–taste, smell, sight, hearing and touch–and use other forms of sensing. Most people ignore the times they experience such things. They write them off as coincidence or just a “gut feeling” or “hunch” about something. Growing up, we’re told some things just can’t be–and when we encounter them, we try our darndest to pretend they aren’t.

Some people, though, embrace those extra levels of information and learn to use them to their advantage. As with anything, some people are more “gifted” with these abilities than others. But just like regularly lifting weights can improve your physical strength, regularly working with psi abilities can make them stronger and make you more aware of the information they perceive.

How does it work? We’re not exactly sure. There a good number of theories and even some recent scientific evidence to back up some of the commonly known things an ESPer can do.

My personal theory is that all psi abilities interact with an as-yet undefined energy–perhaps the same energy that mystics and magick users seemingly manipulate, perhaps related to that as electricity and magnetism are related to one another. ESPers are very sensitive to the fluctuations in this energy and can pick up on the “ripples” and “waves” we all make as we go about things.

If all goes as planned, the next few weeks will be a discussion of how to best deal with some of that energy when it comes your way and how to better “tune in” to it yourself.

Sound good to you?

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

As is usually, the case with a good conversation, those seeds took us to a variety of places.

We talked a bit about how we either draw relationships to ourselves or stumble into them. Regardless of the impetus behind them, every interaction is a learning experience. Since we have no direct control over others, all we can do is choose how to act and react for ourselves. Being “in the moment” and yet still aware of the past and future is a learned skill for most. But it is the only way to break out of destructive patterns we have let ourselves be trapped in. Once those destructive patterns are broken, we can more easily continue along our chosen path.

No matter the path we have chosen, we will undoubtedly come upon situations where we are being attacked in one way or another. Last time I shared a story about defusing a situation by just giving the attacker what they want. Most people who pick a fight are trying to take energy from you, even if they don’t see it that way. By taking it, they feel they have some measure of power over us. If, however, we give it to them, it often catches them off guard.

Alternately, you can just remove yourself from the situation.

Those are the two best choices and are spoken of in many spiritual and philosophical traditions.

Unfortunately, they are not always truly viable options.

My friend, being the intelligent woman she is, realized this and posed the question:

I can see that approach working, and I’ve avoided fights like that with similar strategy.

But if someone causing you harm–insulting you, mocking you, putting you down–is someone you see regularly… not a stranger… someone who’s supposed to be a “friend”…

Nothing works. They just keep laughing. No matter what you do. The more you sit there and take it, the more it entertains them.

Some people are sociopaths. Whether they are doing so to make themselves feel better or whatever deep-seated psychological motivation they may have, the fact is, they are harming you, and they need to be corrected.

To which I answered:

Well, in genuine extreme situation, extreme actions are sometimes called for.

We can not change others directly, but sometimes we can convince them to change.

To paraphrase Marv from Sin City “sometimes you have to convince them very hard.”

And that’s only said partially tongue in cheek.

I am, by no means or measure a pacifist.

The world is a violent place filled with people that don’t understand their own actions, let alone the consequences of those actions. On an even more basic level, Nature itself is violent by human standards. In order for some to live, others must die. The weak are preyed upon by the strong and all can be brought down by a natural disaster.

Nature doesn’t care about anything. It simply survives and propagates. Any time left over from those two actions is used for recreation or preparation for the next fight for survival.

That is the one way it would seem we humans have transcended natural law. Surviving, for us, isn’t all that difficult. We’ve insulated ourselves from a large amount of the danger of the natural world. Our mechanical weapons are more vicious than anything found with a heartbeat. Our dwellings can survive a good beating before we’re forced to flee into the elements (but, oh, does Nature put us in our place every now and then on that account). Perhaps most importantly, we can fully choose how we react to things.

We are, however, still natural creatures. Deep inside our over-sized brains is still that animal root. That part that gives us our flight or fight instinct. That part that, if we let it, can really foul up the living of a civilized life.

The part that also, in some circumstances, can still keep us alive.

Yes, the world is a violent and aggressive place. Because of this, there is nothing wrong with being violent and aggressive every now and then. If you’re not, you may very well end up the target of someone who is. At the absolute least, you will not proceed easily down your path.

All of creation is intimately tied with destruction. That is the truth of the greatest of the cycles we live within. Destruction and creation are both inherent within us. We have the ability–and, perhaps, the duty–to tap into the potential of both.

And when we are decidedly under attack by an unrelenting foe, unleashing some destructive energy in their direction is well within our purview.

When doing so, we must remain aware of the dangers it may bring.

Because that destructive energy is part of the natural world, it does adhere to the same rules as any other energy. The most important of those rules in this context is “Like Attracts Like.”

In many cases, violence only serves to breed more violence, locking the perpetrators into an ever-escalating game that, ultimately, leads to the destruction of all involved. It is a difficult cycle to break out of, but a very easy one to fall in to.

To again paraphrase a popular movie: The Dark Side is very tempting.

The feeling exercising that destructive power gives us is what we often associate with the feeling of power. It is the obvious kind of power. It is the flashy kind of power. It appears to be the active power (though in reality the creative power is no less active).

If destructive power were not exercised, the balance of the Universe would be disrupted. That Universal balance, in conjunction with the general metaphysical rules of energy, is what gives us the popular concept of Karma. Karma is not a punishment/reward system–it is the way balance is maintained. It is the equal and opposite reaction to our actions mediated and accentuated by the Like Attracts Like of our intentions.

Sometimes, we act as Agents of Karma.

If someone is wreaking havoc on all they meet, imposing their will on others, physically and psychically attacking them–generally being an embodiment of the destructive force–it is only a matter of time before someone meets them head-on and destroys them.

The problem is, we have no way of knowing when it is we are acting as Karmic Agents until after the fact. Therefore, every time we choose to be destructive, we must do so knowing that there may be a serious price to pay. We may make ourselves a target for an actual Agent of Karma.

Now, there are social structures where the give-and-take energy game is standard. Sales, politics–all highly competitive professional situations. Those are common and can usually be dealt with by only being moderately aggressive. It is only when we let that moderated level of aggression get out of hand that truly begin to be destructive.

In other situations–war, for instance–we may be required to dig deep into our destructive natures just to ensure our own survival. In those cases of destruction for survival, we are acting in line with nature. Our minds, however, may not accept the situational nature of those circumstances. When that happens, we can punish ourselves more than the Universe ever would. That is our civilized and trained mind fighting the animal instincts.

This is an internal battle that can go on often. It can distract us from the now and lock us into some very non-productive and possibly life threatening cycles. It can paralyze us, leaving us unable to react quickly to a dire situation.

When you are truly attacked, you have a split second to choose your course of action. If done quickly, you can take some amount of control over the situation by acting. Taking longer than that leaves you only able to react. Being reactive is, generally, a weaker position than being active. It can be turned around, but in order to do that, you must survive the first attack of the other.

The choice to be destructive–to strike back or strike first–is never something to be taken lightly. If given the time, all other options should be investigated and tried first. Only then should we thoughtfully proceed along the dark path of destruction. All the while we must remain vigilant, being careful not to let violence and destruction become our main cycle. Doing so only leads to destruction and removes us from our path.

Violence and destruction have their place and time. Self-preservation–when force is met by force–is a natural reaction. Acting as a Karmic Agent is also a natural–though much more difficult to justify in the scheme of things–thing.

Sometimes, we must act as the destroyer in order to ensure a chance for creation.

Sometimes, we must even let ourselves be destroyed in order to proceed along our path.

And that is what we deal with next time.

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

That lead us to some talk of how we draw relationships and situations to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, based on our own inner states. “Like attracts like” is the general axiom occultists, magicians and metaphysicists use to explain that.

Those situations that are antithetical to our state and not knowingly chosen arise as tests to the stability of our state sent our way by the Universe or because some part of us draws us into it. They can be wonderful, though sometimes painful, chances to learn about ourselves.

I suggested that those few who are actually out to hurt us do so to bolster themselves. No matter the mundane explanations, the metaphysical ways are mostly about energy. The situation of a willing attack is no different. In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield simplified it nicely by painting conflict in our interpersonal interactions as a contest to see who can take energy from the other or hold on to his or her own.

I proposed that most conflicts can be “won” by either keeping your energy to yourself (as in, don’t pay any attention to them) or willingly give them what they are trying to forcibly take. The latter suggestion is a bit counter-intuitive and the former isn’t always easy.

And so she asked:

You know, i know very little about the ways of the warrior, but when “not reacting” or “defusing by giving in” isn’t effective, it would seem that rendering them unable to continue to harm you seems the only way to salvage one’s sense of security and control.

Like in a fight, if someone is throwing punches and you keep blocking them, or maybe you let them punch you, they’re not going to stop. They’ll think they can continue and get away with it.

You have to disable them to defend yourself. Grab their arm and hold it behind their back. Sweep them to the ground. anything to make them stop.

This is not giving in and punching back. Fighting fire with fire is not what I am suggesting.

its pouring water on the fire that I’m talking about. And that’s the tricky part.

She does, indeed, ask good questions. I responded:

A fire that is not fed more fuel will burn itself out.

Many years ago I went to a community dance. It was during the summer and a good bunch of the people there were only summer residents, so I didn’t know most of them. Not many people I knew were there.

A couple of hours in, this dude starts in on my. “You dance like an idiot.” “You look like a moron.” Stuff like that. He gets all puffed up and in my face. Pushing. Posturing. Making a scene.

Needless to say, a crowd gathers, eager and willing to see a fight.

And so, not being interested in being pummeled, I do the first thing that occurs to me.

I agree with him. After all, I do look quite silly when I dance. Heck, it’s one of my selling points and excuses for why I don’t dance more. I smile and tell him “Y’know, you’re right. I do look like an idiot.”

And he persists. And I agree more. He pushes, I smile. He insults, I say “could be”.

The crowd loses interest. Those that don’t lose interest no longer want a fight, they want the dude to knock it off.

He gives up.

I win.

That strategy has worked more than once.

There are other ways. There are other methods. I’ll probably get into them at least a little when I post.

Also, without question, there are circumstances where there is a higher percentage chance of running in to people who are genuinely malicious. A different mindset then becomes required. What I’ve been talking about is in general and among the masses.

When we are secure in our connection with the Universe–either through hard earned practice or an instant of dumb luck and blind faith–we can give without fear of losing. Back when the above mentioned event happened, I was blessed with a combination of dumb luck and nascent realization of my connection with the Universe.

I very well could have been pummeled. But I wouldn’t have stayed down. I would have gotten back up, even if it was just to be beaten down again. I had nothing to lose (other than a tooth or two, I suppose) and everything to gain by standing what ground I had. (That’s a lesson I would later be reminded of when watching Cool Hand Luke, perhaps one of the better movies someone following The Way of the Fool can watch.)

We can only “lose” energy if it is a finite thing that can not be replenished. With a connection to the Universe, we can draw on its endless reserve to fill our empty flagons. Even without that connection running true and smooth, our own energy will regenerate over time.

There are many situations in our world where paranoia and aggressiveness are the norm. Again, sometimes we choose to enter those arenas and sometimes we stumble into them. What we generally consider the “high school” mentality is one such arena. Politics is another. There are, indeed, times when you will not be able to diffuse a situation.

She, of course, already knew this and said:

I can see that approach working, and I’ve avoided fights like that with similar strategy.

But if someone causing you harm–insulting you, mocking you, putting you down–is someone you see regularly… not a stranger… someone who’s supposed to be a “friend”…

Nothing works. They just keep laughing. No matter what you do. The more you sit there and take it, the more it entertains them.

Some people are sociopaths. Whether they are doing so to make themselves feel better or whatever deep-seated psychological motivation they may have, the fact is, they are harming you, and they need to be corrected.

That, of course, brought about a distinct twist of the discussion. It is a distinctly darker twist than many on a spiritual path often go down, but it is a fact of life in this shared reality.

I will focus on that more in the next part.

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

I, of course, had some answers of my own. Friendship is something I’ve thought on a lot over the years. As I moved into a more metaphysical mindset, I came to a handful of realizations. The first and most important is that Friendship–real Friendship–is just another one of the many forms Love takes. And Love is one of those things very tied up in the concepts of Trust and numerous metaphysical works.

And so, I responded:

Trust is one of those tricky things. There’s so much that goes into it and it comes in so many shades that there is no easy answer to any of the questions you ask.

The only person I ever need to trust is myself. Without that, everything else is a moot point. Without trusting yourself, it is difficult to know what trust feels like.

As such, there is no timetable that can be set for when others are “trusted” (whatever that means to you). As long as people aren’t obviously out to get me (again, a perception that can be skewed, misconstrued and tainted by a lot of factors both internal and external), I have nothing to hide. I have been just as open with complete strangers as I have been with old friends.

For me, it’s more about honesty and expectation. If you are honest with me, I will be honest with you. If I find you have lied to me, I will still be honest, but I will not expect you to be. That lessens the value of anything you tell me. Eventually, if that situation is not remedied or disproven, we probably won’t associate much.

I never expect anyone to live by my standards. I am open and honest with just about everyone out there (known or unknown).

If I feel I can trust you, it will not change what I tell you.

It will, however, change what I may ask of you.

For me, Trust isn’t about what I’ll let you know–it’s about what I’ll let you do for me. I’m willing to give just about anyone the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Trust and Friendship. There are some things, though, that I most certainly will not ask you to do if that Trust and that Friendship haven’t been proven in other circumstances.

I would give just about anything for people I consider my friends, but I would only ask to take from those I am closest to. That closeness comes not only from the temporal, but also the spiritual and mundane aspects of our relationship.

There are some people I knew I would click with as soon as I met them–sometimes as soon as I saw their name. Others I had to grow into a little over time. And many others had to get used to me before they would consider me a Friend. There are always awkward parts and learning curves and mistakes made that seem insurmountable at the time. But the trials pay off when you know, without even having to ask, that someone would do anything for you in the most dire of circumstances.

She built on my statement with more questions:

So, aside from sharing information with someone which one may or may not need to take care in who they divulge to… and those sort of situations

How do you approach situations when you are unsure, or have strong reason to suspect, or maybe you flat out know, if people have had foul, malicious, or misguided intentions toward you?

Do you just smile and pretend there’s nothing wrong and hope the situation neutralizes? continue to let these hurtful things happen? protect yourself and back off?

Do you find no need to protect yourself socially? do you find everyone to be benevolent?

I responded:

Here’s another one of the tricky things: You can never be completely sure of someone’s intentions until you have spent a great deal of time with them.

Right off the bat, there isn’t usually a whole lot of indication on any ulterior motives they may have (aside form the obvious like a sales person in a store or the smarmy bastard trying to buy you drinks at the bar).

Most people out there are pretty bland, lazy and banal–true maliciousness takes time, creativity and effort most won’t bother with.

From the majority of people, the things that can come across as mean usually aren’t done with the intent to be mean. Most of it stems from them just not thinking their words and actions through. Most people are kind of self-centered and short-sighted. And, strangely enough, most of the time they even mean well with those things that hurt.

In my 32 years I have met only a very small handful of people who were openly malicious toward me. None of them have been encountered since my first year in college.

I learned long ago that those few people who are downright mean are trying to exert power and influence over you. They are trying to take energy from you to make themselves bigger and badder. The best defense? Either don’t react to them. Another, more counter-intuitive way to defuse them is to willingly give them the energy they are trying to forcibly take from you. When they don’t get an actual fight, they are usually at a loss.

Both of those techniques require a very stable personal foundation and awareness of one’s connection to the Divine.

One of the canonical metaphysical laws is “Like attracts like.” When we can act honestly and securely in most aspects of our lives, we will draw to us circumstances that put us into contact with others of similar behavior. There will always be those circumstances when the Universe sees fit to test us. Not everything can be wine and roses, after all, because that leads to stagnation. And we can willingly–or sometimes subconsciously–put ourselves in situations antithetical to our own position. That is all part of walking a path of willing development.

Those who choose a more mundane–though equally important–path aren’t often troubled by concepts like that. They grow and develop, but it is either not on their own terms or it is in terms of sheer force of will. Some of the most self-determined people I’ve ever met have nary a whit of metaphysical interest in them. Some have worked very hard in the every-day world to be who and what they want to be. Others have survived circumstances that would lead many to question the existence of a benevolent god.

Most people on that mundane path, though, let themselves be bounced around by fate and circumstance. They don’t always see or understand the consequences of their actions. Often, they mean well but execute or explain poorly. Those of us who can see many consequences coming a mile away can very easily forget others don’t see quite as clearly. It becomes very easy to think that they mean us harm, regardless of what they say to the contrary.

To paraphrase another well known axiom: Never suppose malice where ignorance will do.

There was more conversation that happened in this vein, and much more to be said. But for now, I’ll let this bit plant its seeds and see what grows.

That was a good thing, since I came to metaphysics through science. Science has a lot to say about energy. Most of what it says is echoed in metaphysical teachings.

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can be changed.

Energy has a frequency. Even matter has a frequency. Matter and energy are interchangeable (though the exchange rate isn’t always equitable).

Energy is all around us in many forms.

The little bits go on and on, but it all adds up to one big thing: Everything that happens involves the movement of energy.

Many metaphysical practices, from precognition to reiki, in theory involve taking some control of the energy within and around us. The methods differ by tradition, but the desire for results is always the same.

The different interactions of varied forms of energy weaves a kind of web that we are all constantly walking through, tugging at it as we go. Every action causes a change in the vibrations around us. Those changes cascade and resonate with other changes. That ever-changing and always vibrating web connects us all.

That connection is the basic concept behind all magickal working.

We can affect things because we are connected to them. Not in a physical way. Not in a tangible way. Not even in an exceptionally scientific way (though quantum physics may say differently). Through practice, we can come to understand and make use of those connections.

But how do you work with energy?

In his novel The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield sums up the most basic rule of energy work by saying “Where attention goes, energy flows.”

In other words, wherever our attention is most directed is where we’re sending our energy. How we shift our attention is completely up to us. Visualization is popular. Physical movement works, too. Audio cues, scents, basically any of the sense can be used as a focus. This is why so many mystical practices involve body position, repeated words, visualization and incense. The more sense you get involved, the more fully you can focus your energy on something.

Of course, there’s also another rule that generally applies: what comes around goes around. Unlike the physics principle of an equal and opposite reaction for every action, metaphysical energy working follows the principle of like attracting like.

If you do good things, more good things will come to you. If you do bad things, bad things will come to you. (The definitions of “good” and “bad” are an entire discussion in and of themselves.)

Nature likes to keep things in balance. Since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it has to change often. There is a balance, but it is not a static balance. There is a dynamic equilibrium to the energy around us.

That keeps life interesting.

There is more, but that is for another time.