Reconciliation

We are all made up of a multitude of different parts.

I’m not talking physical parts here–I’m talking the ethereal parts that are just as, if not more, important than our physical base. We have different moods, different hopes, different fears and different attitudes. And we don’t always want or need to share all of them with everyone.

And so we segment. And hide. And choose what we will reveal to whom and when we will reveal it.

We put on masks, adopt airs and do whatever we deem appropriate to present what we want to who we want when we want.

There’s really nothing wrong with that. It’s human nature. In fact, it’s even pretty darn sensible and makes “polite society” possible. After all, everyone doesn’t need to know about the results of Aunt Mabel’s colonoscopy. I think we can all agree that most people wouldn’t even want to know.

There are also things we hide not because we want to, but because we are not aware of them ourselves. These are natural and ensure that we always have more to learn about ourselves. (Anyone who thinks they know everything about themselves is either lying, misguided or incredibly enlightened—and I don’t know anyone that incredibly enlightened.)

Then, and this is the most annoying part for most people, there are the things we don’t know about ourselves—but everyone else does. Or at least they think they do.

This is all basic communication theory. So basic, in fact, it has made it’s way into a bunch of management texts, workshops and pop psychology as the Johari Window. It is a simplistic, though eerily accurate, overview of how much we disclose to ourselves and others.

Dealing the the disparity between what we know about ourselves and what we show to others is a big part of spiritual development and, more generally, growth as a person. Delving into our own blind spots and taking in what others think they know about us—both very difficult things in their own right—require us to come to terms with unpleasant surprises about ourselves and how people see us.

And then we have to decide what to do with all that information.

This is where the idea of Reconciliation comes in. The particular type of Reconciliation I’m talking about isn’t the kind that occurs between oneself and others—it is an entirely internal thing. Until we can resolve, or at least quiet, the disparity inside ourselves, there isn’t much we’re good for when it comes to other people.

Three Big Questions

For those who have chosen to live to serve others and those walking a spiritual path, attaining a decent amount of Reconciliation is incredibly important.

We have to know three things:

1. Who were you?
2. Who do you want to become?
3. And most importantly, who are you now?

Who we were will always be important. Our past serves as either the foundation or the fertilizer for who we are and who will become. There is nothing about who we were that we should ever be ashamed of. After all, we are not that person any more. We learned from those situations (be they good or bad) and made choices to either continue on the same path or to change our direction.

Who we want to become is important only in that it give us a goal to reach for, a light to shine on the path we walk. Without an idea of who we want to become, we can very easily get distracted and end up walking in circles through the forest of confusion.

Who we are now is by far the most important thing to know. If we do not know who we are now, we can not put into perspective who we were and we do not know how far we have to go to become who we want to be. Who we are now is who we have to live our day to day lives as. It is who other people have to interact with.

If we are fractured and fragmented, bent, broken and twisted, we may not have a clear picture of who we are. It takes time to put the pieces together. It takes courage to ask the hard questions. And it takes balls of steel to own up to the stupid things we all do.

But if we want to find real, deep and enduring happiness, we have to do it.

Along that path, though, there is something waiting for you in the shadows. It will try to stop you, scare you, misdirect you or otherwise prevent you from reaching your goal. It is the most difficult enemy you will ever face. It knows everything you know about yourself—and more.

It is The Adversary and it is something that many people don’t know much about until they face it in their quest for reconciliation.