Metaphysical Monday: In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust (Part III)

All of this was spawned by three questions a good friend of mine posed a while ago.

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

As is usually, the case with a good conversation, those seeds took us to a variety of places.

We talked a bit about how we either draw relationships to ourselves or stumble into them. Regardless of the impetus behind them, every interaction is a learning experience. Since we have no direct control over others, all we can do is choose how to act and react for ourselves. Being “in the moment” and yet still aware of the past and future is a learned skill for most. But it is the only way to break out of destructive patterns we have let ourselves be trapped in. Once those destructive patterns are broken, we can more easily continue along our chosen path.

No matter the path we have chosen, we will undoubtedly come upon situations where we are being attacked in one way or another. Last time I shared a story about defusing a situation by just giving the attacker what they want. Most people who pick a fight are trying to take energy from you, even if they don’t see it that way. By taking it, they feel they have some measure of power over us. If, however, we give it to them, it often catches them off guard.

Alternately, you can just remove yourself from the situation.

Those are the two best choices and are spoken of in many spiritual and philosophical traditions.

Unfortunately, they are not always truly viable options.

My friend, being the intelligent woman she is, realized this and posed the question:

I can see that approach working, and I’ve avoided fights like that with similar strategy.

But if someone causing you harm–insulting you, mocking you, putting you down–is someone you see regularly… not a stranger… someone who’s supposed to be a “friend”…

Nothing works. They just keep laughing. No matter what you do. The more you sit there and take it, the more it entertains them.

Some people are sociopaths. Whether they are doing so to make themselves feel better or whatever deep-seated psychological motivation they may have, the fact is, they are harming you, and they need to be corrected.

To which I answered:

Well, in genuine extreme situation, extreme actions are sometimes called for.

We can not change others directly, but sometimes we can convince them to change.

To paraphrase Marv from Sin City “sometimes you have to convince them very hard.”

And that’s only said partially tongue in cheek.

I am, by no means or measure a pacifist.

The world is a violent place filled with people that don’t understand their own actions, let alone the consequences of those actions. On an even more basic level, Nature itself is violent by human standards. In order for some to live, others must die. The weak are preyed upon by the strong and all can be brought down by a natural disaster.

Nature doesn’t care about anything. It simply survives and propagates. Any time left over from those two actions is used for recreation or preparation for the next fight for survival.

That is the one way it would seem we humans have transcended natural law. Surviving, for us, isn’t all that difficult. We’ve insulated ourselves from a large amount of the danger of the natural world. Our mechanical weapons are more vicious than anything found with a heartbeat. Our dwellings can survive a good beating before we’re forced to flee into the elements (but, oh, does Nature put us in our place every now and then on that account). Perhaps most importantly, we can fully choose how we react to things.

We are, however, still natural creatures. Deep inside our over-sized brains is still that animal root. That part that gives us our flight or fight instinct. That part that, if we let it, can really foul up the living of a civilized life.

The part that also, in some circumstances, can still keep us alive.

Yes, the world is a violent and aggressive place. Because of this, there is nothing wrong with being violent and aggressive every now and then. If you’re not, you may very well end up the target of someone who is. At the absolute least, you will not proceed easily down your path.

All of creation is intimately tied with destruction. That is the truth of the greatest of the cycles we live within. Destruction and creation are both inherent within us. We have the ability–and, perhaps, the duty–to tap into the potential of both.

And when we are decidedly under attack by an unrelenting foe, unleashing some destructive energy in their direction is well within our purview.

When doing so, we must remain aware of the dangers it may bring.

Because that destructive energy is part of the natural world, it does adhere to the same rules as any other energy. The most important of those rules in this context is “Like Attracts Like.”

In many cases, violence only serves to breed more violence, locking the perpetrators into an ever-escalating game that, ultimately, leads to the destruction of all involved. It is a difficult cycle to break out of, but a very easy one to fall in to.

To again paraphrase a popular movie: The Dark Side is very tempting.

The feeling exercising that destructive power gives us is what we often associate with the feeling of power. It is the obvious kind of power. It is the flashy kind of power. It appears to be the active power (though in reality the creative power is no less active).

If destructive power were not exercised, the balance of the Universe would be disrupted. That Universal balance, in conjunction with the general metaphysical rules of energy, is what gives us the popular concept of Karma. Karma is not a punishment/reward system–it is the way balance is maintained. It is the equal and opposite reaction to our actions mediated and accentuated by the Like Attracts Like of our intentions.

Sometimes, we act as Agents of Karma.

If someone is wreaking havoc on all they meet, imposing their will on others, physically and psychically attacking them–generally being an embodiment of the destructive force–it is only a matter of time before someone meets them head-on and destroys them.

The problem is, we have no way of knowing when it is we are acting as Karmic Agents until after the fact. Therefore, every time we choose to be destructive, we must do so knowing that there may be a serious price to pay. We may make ourselves a target for an actual Agent of Karma.

Now, there are social structures where the give-and-take energy game is standard. Sales, politics–all highly competitive professional situations. Those are common and can usually be dealt with by only being moderately aggressive. It is only when we let that moderated level of aggression get out of hand that truly begin to be destructive.

In other situations–war, for instance–we may be required to dig deep into our destructive natures just to ensure our own survival. In those cases of destruction for survival, we are acting in line with nature. Our minds, however, may not accept the situational nature of those circumstances. When that happens, we can punish ourselves more than the Universe ever would. That is our civilized and trained mind fighting the animal instincts.

This is an internal battle that can go on often. It can distract us from the now and lock us into some very non-productive and possibly life threatening cycles. It can paralyze us, leaving us unable to react quickly to a dire situation.

When you are truly attacked, you have a split second to choose your course of action. If done quickly, you can take some amount of control over the situation by acting. Taking longer than that leaves you only able to react. Being reactive is, generally, a weaker position than being active. It can be turned around, but in order to do that, you must survive the first attack of the other.

The choice to be destructive–to strike back or strike first–is never something to be taken lightly. If given the time, all other options should be investigated and tried first. Only then should we thoughtfully proceed along the dark path of destruction. All the while we must remain vigilant, being careful not to let violence and destruction become our main cycle. Doing so only leads to destruction and removes us from our path.

Violence and destruction have their place and time. Self-preservation–when force is met by force–is a natural reaction. Acting as a Karmic Agent is also a natural–though much more difficult to justify in the scheme of things–thing.

Sometimes, we must act as the destroyer in order to ensure a chance for creation.

Sometimes, we must even let ourselves be destroyed in order to proceed along our path.

And that is what we deal with next time.